yamanai ame da neeee

Sunday, November 26, 2006

So, its the end of my 5 years in guiding.

I don't know what to feel lah.. i'm just so sad about everything.
For the past few days after camp i've just been feeling this need to cry everything out.
Afterall, everything in my guiding life always ended with a good cry, and then a fond goodbye.
I'm really really damn sad about it lah..
It's practically been my life and now it has ended :(

Can't imagine how Miss Gwee feels when i'm already feeling like that..
arghhh.. we let her down :((((
and we didn't go for breakfast with her! ah.. how could I forget!!
I think she's so strong.. to be able to let go like that... haii.

Camp was ok I guess...
Being extremely short-handed and everything, I'd say we did our best.
Next year I hope they won't be short handed like us... its really bad this year.

Guides will never be the same, but I just can't let go.
The essence of what we used to be, what we can always be is all gone.
I hate to see what's happening, with guiders that don't give two hoots about us and everything else.
This is my first camp without gwee and seriously its just so empty.
Hai... for the first time, no guiders came down during horseshoe to give us talks, no one went around like a pest wanting to take pictures, no one shook our gadgets and warn us about this and that collapsing, no one came down for breakfast with us.
For the first time, campfire only had ONE guider. (when there are FOUR)
For the first time, guiders took turns to stay at camp.
For the first time, we ended on time all thanks to a 5 minute evaluation form.
what did they think this is, a workshop?
For the first time, nothing was what it used to be.

4:07 PM

Friday, November 17, 2006

sorry for that vulgarity.
haha.. i'm still angry ok.
I just regret typing that on my blog.. spoiling my scenery.

Anw, my parents aren't happy with my results.
So what?
It doesn't bother me.
I'll never be better then them anyway, why can't I live my own life, decide on what I wanna do, do what I love.
It's my life, excuse me.
I'm being selfish i know, but like as if anyone is perfectly kind and selfless.
Weren't you being selfish when you expect something of me, but never did it youself?
Weren't you being selfish when you enjoyed the rights of 'i'm always right, because im your parent', telling me to do things your way, but never considering me as part of your plans.
Plans for me, ironically.

I hate the fact that no one ever listens to me when i wanna say something.
Something else always happens to be more important.
Why have I been so nice for 17 years of my life, to listen to you guys when you speak, when i have never been treated like that.
You all just make me feel so special, so loved.
haha.

Seriously, all this just pisses me off like always.
ARGH. this sounds so extremely childish.
i have to say this, if my hermit crab is so smelly how bout all your stupid fishes!
Thanks for totally respecting me by throwing them away without my permission.
Think how you'd feel if it happened to you.
You could have done me the courtesy by ASKING.
But of course, you're always right.
Freaking hell, you people know the best ways to piss me off.

Next time, you need someone to shout at cause you're angry,
don't come looking for me.
I'm not gonna sit there quietly and let you rant.

10:42 PM

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

People at home give me no respect.

Freak i don't even wanna talk about it because it all sounds so childish and it'll feel like oh, its just the little girl throwing a tantrum again.

Hi, look i'm at JC already
don't i deserve the treatment people deserve at this age?
Little little things just make everything so unfair....
there's so much to talk about, i don't even wanna say it all...
this is so tiring.

You know, i always hear that family is people you can always rely on,
but it seems that THEY are the ones who adds on to my load all the time and it only happens when i'm already so stressed about stuff.
seems like family is only nice when my life is monotonous..
argh i dunno how to say it.

they have nothing better to do then to nag everyday,
you know everyday when i come back home, i'll hear the EXACT same things from ther EXACT same people.
Don't they get tired of saying it over and over??
cause i sure do get tired of listening.
And just cause i'm the youngest doesn't mean everyone has to nag at me.
I mean like you can see my mum is actually AFRAID of my sister when she starts throwing her temper (which is almost everyday).
but it never happens for me.

fuck it doesn't pay to be nice.

9:21 PM

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Been going to suntec/citylink super alot lately.

3 days with kayak ppl and 1 with CELEBS!
our impromtu thing was almost perfect..
if only adeline came... hai....
I know she doesn't read my blog lah...
but nothing has changed for me, really.
I know everything has to change in this world,
but with old friends, its just different.. you know?
It's like how I always wish for a quiet harbour when i go back to them, where we can talk about the past and have no one judging me...
I mean, its not that things NEVER change, it just seems to me that changes disturb us for awhile, and then everything seems normal again.
We're just not as affected, because we know better.
I really love celebs alot...
my friends and my partners in crime.
(the sweet thing, omg im still embarrassed.)

I've used this 100000 times, but i'll use it again.

Incomplete, but perfect always.
You know i feel that we are like... an old person.
We're perfectly comfortable with what we have already.
We want to dwell in the past sometimes, because we know it brings us so much joy.
I dunno.. its just so perfect.
haha.. like, WE ARE MEANT TO BE.
I love you guys.

12:40 PM

Hi, shuwei, I MISS YOU.. alot alot alot.
For all your silly antics on tv, and everything else dumb you do that makes me laugh.
I want energy back, full force.

Happy Birthday, HOTTIE.

Hahaha...
im 3 days late but whatever, not my fault lah.
anw, im damn angry with the guiders.
have no idea what they're trying to do... freak./

12:13 PM

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I'm officially sick.
Flu, cough, fever, everything.
ARGH.
sucks shit lah..

See, this is what too much sun does to me!
and now im so brown, i wish i'm that kind who never turns black..
ok maybe not... but ahhh..
I think i've never been so unevenly tanned in my life!
My hands are brown, with the exception of my watch line..
but my legs are still the same ://////
AND
my face is peeling.

2 star kayak is no joke, people.
I think i might fail can...
haii.. can't seem to control the river kayak..
sea kayak was so much better!
I MISS PADDLE CULTURE.
The people in ssa are so fierce and scary..
but i like capsizing.. hahaha.. how sadistic.
and the people taking the course also very nice..
saturday is expedition day. I'm scared.

Life is messy right now,
got alot of things on my hands.
This is so not school holidays lah.
(I stress the word HOLIDAYS)

On the brighter side of life,
WE GOT A NEW COMP!
yeah man... and that is why i can finally update..
trying to download msn now..
yay.

9:28 PM